I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
