He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Still dying that you shit outside
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
