It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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