You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
