I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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