I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm passing your future prison.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
