just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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