I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
