i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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