Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The feeling are messing with the penis
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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