My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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