If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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