Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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