It's Friday. Sex?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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