I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
