I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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