dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
