we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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