the only muscles i have these days is kegels
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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