My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
