Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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