You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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