Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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