I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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