i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
