I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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