Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
