I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
