If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
