we're blogging at a bar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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