mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
