a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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