if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
