i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
