you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
