I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
ttyl tear gas
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
