Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
