(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
