I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
