I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
