I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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