I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
