she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
