He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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