Small penises have feelings too.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
