I wish I only lived at night.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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