I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
