I want to walk on stilts...naked
Duck Duck Cougar?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
