While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
