I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Randomize
