I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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