hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
