Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
