It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
