your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
