I can text with my tongue
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I deserve this hangover.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
