we're blogging at a bar
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
