how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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