I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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