I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
