I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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