tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
ok first of all what the fuck
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
