I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
