that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
