Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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