When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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