He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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